When You're Not Here

All my favourite people ♥

I just realised that Wilson Wang gave me a topic to blog about the other time, but the topic is super difficult! It requires so much thinking :( But nevertheless, I shall give it a go, some day, not today :)

It's like we were so close. Then suddenly, I didn't know what happened. We always have cold wars;but then suddenly, we talk to each other all through the night. My heart, it's constantly being lifted up & then dropped down, by you. Yes, it's all by you.

Have you guys ever had this feeling before? You always have this tinge of jealousy in you. It doesn't matter if you're jealous about that person's looks or fame or fortune. You are, in a very simple way, just jealous of her. I have this feeling. & it's eating me up bit by bit. Unbearable.

Anyway, I want to go & print out all the photos that are taking up the memory space in Cammy! I want to do scrapbooking. I want to get all sentimental. I want to be appreciative of others. I want to go for trainings for 6 hours straight, get all tired, go to sleep & not think about any other things. I want to eat, lots & lots of food & see who will still love me when I get fat boom boom :) I want to spend time with you, just going crazy together :)

Because the bottom line is : I'll be happy.

You could say so. Maybe I'm selfish. Not because I'm born this way, but because you made me so. I don't want to share you with anybody else. The thought of you talking/hanging out with other people bothers me. Maybe I'm possessive. But maybe it's because I have learnt to cherish all those around me & I always have this unexplainable fear in me, that one day, everyone would just leave me & move on themselves. Just like when I'm eating with my friends, I would always ask them to order their food first. Because, I'm paranoid. I don't want to order mine first to see them suddenly leave. And there I am, all alone. You know how I feel? I guess you don't. But it's okay. Once you've experienced friends leaving you for others, you'll understand me better. I hope so, well, at least :)

My my, I got to wake up so early tomorrow for Slow Pitch softball :( Lazy yet excited at the same time! Would be meeting Izrafel @ 5.45 at Tanah, drop off at Aljunied, meet the rest of the boys @ 6 & leave for Clementi! Horrray :)

Sometimes, you might say that I don't love enough. But actually, secretly, deep down inside me, I do, a lot. It's just a matter of whether I choose to show/express it or not. I guard my heart, very tightly. I used to trust people too easily & that's why I've decided to stop doing that. It's simple. My heart simply can't take the pain that comes with it anymore. So, I don't open much to people. Maybe except you. Maybe that's why you're special. Maybe that's why you have access to my heart. But let me get this straight. I am not someone that you could simply take for granted for. It's stupid for me to say that, haha, cause I know you won't :) Prove me right.

Sorry for the very random paragraphs. It could be rather emotional to you guys? I don't know :) It's not to me, just words that I've always wanted to say, just opinions that I've always wanted to voice out :) I realised I like to use repetitive words! It has a bigger impact on the reader & the emotions I guess :) Tee hee, till then ~

I'm happy because I've learnt to look beyond the imperfections :)